These made me laugh!

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled was not nne of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Ham and eggs...a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.